To Hyphenate or Not
Posted by kongkong622 on May 4, 2008
Last Friday I discovered that I had run out of calling cards. Fortunately, my husband decided that we visit the mall where I have my cards printed. Previously, my card carried my maiden name. It was a none issue, actually. I never gave it any thought. I never even imagined that my husband would mind. And he doesn’t. Really.
Proof…when I had my passport renewed, I decided that I would keep my maiden name on it because my visa was issued to me as a single person. And I didn’t want the hassle of having to do legwork just to have some amending done. I asked him, in a legal sounding inquiry, if it was ok. He said that there was no law that prevented me from doing such.
And so it was that I was contentedly using my maiden name for things like bank accounts, business correspondence, and calling cards. The only time I used my married name in bank transactions was if it involved the husband and the kids. My personal accounts are still in my name. No amendments here.
Anyway, so there I was filling out a reprinting form for my business cards. Then it occured to me that my business associates have been referring to me with my married name for about 2 years now. So I figured, why not hyphenate. That way I could keep my maiden name and my married name at the same time.
Why the big fuss? Why not just put my maiden name initial?
Why? Because for what it’s worth, I had already built a life even before I got married. In my small little world, I was already a somebody before I got married. And my being married didn’t change that. I did all that when I was still using my maiden name. For me, that carried a lot of weight.
It may sound rather trivial for some but for me it is a big deal. I truly am grateful of my position in life now, thanks to my dear husband. But I also am thankful for what I had achieved even before I put my autograph on that little piece of paper after pledging my life to this man.
To put it bluntly, I don’t need another name to tell me who I am. But if adding my husbands name to my name makes things a little clearer to some, then so be it. And yes, I hyphenated.
chateau a.k.a. imom said
I agree with every point you said.
I also hyphenate because: 1) We are an all-girl family and if we don’t use our family name, mawawala na kami! 2) Ang pangit ng family name ni hubby, at ang ganda ng akin. haha
lady cess said
ako naman e… kung san ka masaya, suportahan taka
ako, my first decision was to hyphenate. and then i dropped it and opted for my husband’s family name. the reason: convenience. my maiden name has been mispronounced and misspelled at least a thousand times. hay, the pager age was a nightmare. it’s the same reason why i prefer being called by my nickname instead of my real name, even though it’s a short name.
julie said
I hyphenate. Why? because I am me and I am modern, charing.
I haven’t been able to update my SSS, and other legal blah-blah. I need to hyphenate to be able to transact and get my documents prior to being married. The name stuck with me. And my hubby doesn’t mind naman.
feng said
we have the same dilemma. my US visa too was in my maiden name pa din until now. haven’t file for a change in the status though. saka na lang siguro, pag kailangan na talaga.
I hyphenate too. mas feel ko sya kasi I still see my old surname. hehe, halata bang mahal na mahal ko former surname ko? but I love my husband’s last name ha. lakas maka peke. kala mo, foreigner asawa ko.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Chats!! We’re an all-girl family too! I never really thought of it that way but now that you’ve mentioned it, maybe the “all-girl thing” was flashing a subliminal message in my mind. Tsaka pangit din yun surname ni husband..hahaha
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Cess!! With me its the opposite, its my married name that gets mispronounced and misspelled like 99% of the time. Plus, my maiden name sounds so much nicer
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Julie!! Your statement is so empowering…anubayan? Enough na ang kachorvahan..hahaha
Seriously though, I thing hyphenating should be made legal. Especially now that women tend to marry later and are more likely stable when they do.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Feng!! I just checked with the DFA, there’s nothing wrong daw with keeping your maiden name on your passport and your visa. Just note on your application that your status has changed. Mabuti na din yung ganun, malay mo baka mabulilyaso pa ang visa status mo…di ba
tintin said
I thought I would eagerly change my name once married because my husband’s name is so easy to spell, and it’s only two syllables. Plus, mine is really ugly although I’m fond of it.
Well, its been almost 5 yrs. and still no change. I guess I liked it more than I thought.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Tintin!! I think they’re more permissive in the US. My sister, who resides in Nebraska, has been married for 5 years and still hasn’t changed her name. And she has no plans to, either
toni said
I hyphenate too! My reasoning is also the same as yours. I have my own accomplishments before getting married, so decided to hyphenate. Gradually though I’m moving in to the shared family name. With my new job coming up soon, para walang confusion, I’m putting in my maiden family name as a middle initial nalang palagi.
Ami said
Hi there,
I used to hyphenate para pag galit ako kay hubby, I drop his name, hahaha. But I observed that people drop my maiden name when I hyphenate. So ngayun, I write both my maiden and married name without the hyphen. So mukhang apelyido ko yung dalawa.
raqgold said
dito naman you’ve got a choice. keep your own last name, hyphenate, keep your hubby’s last name only or hyphenate using your last name in the end — i chose the simple hyphenate for the same reason, people know me already and if i wanted to go back to the PR field, people would know it’s me
and yet, i tend to use my hubby’s last name more simply because of conveniece. ang haba kasi tapos they tend to mispronounce it.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Toni!! Ganun na ata talaga nowadays because women tend to marry after they have achieved something for themselves. Yung sense of character is really stronger kaya parang astig na din ang mga identity pag nag-asawa.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Ami!! Hehehe…parang sinabi mo na ding bumalik ka na sa nanay mo. Sa husband ko naman, nung sobrang napalapit sya sa amin, nagtampo ang nanay nya at sinabing…palitan na daw ang apelyido nya to ours
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Raquel!! That’s what I would have wanted to have..a choice. On a personal level, you can choose to keep your maiden name or hyphenate. Pero, sa pagkakaalam ko, legally you are still known by your married name once you are married. Di kasi ganoon ka lax ang laws dito.
Annamanila said
I hyphenate as a concession to my dad who got a kick out of seeing my published byline. Siempre dapat kasama yung apelyido nya. hahaha.
I just read Chat’s comment. I should say amen to both her No. 1 and No. 2 reasons for hyphenating. Which reminds me to ask her what her maiden name is. Would you know?
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Annamanila!! Good point!! My dad would probably feel the same way considering how much of a chauvinist he was. And my Lolo too. It was a famous line in my family..”You are a de Guzman!” that stuck, I guess
Oo nga, tanungin natin kay Chats mamaya kung ano ang maiden name nya
nina said
When I was newly married, I tried to hypenate for the same reason as yours but my hubby reacted. Ironically, when my Qatar visa came out, it bore my maiden name. To appease my hubby, I use my married name whenever possible but it’s really messy because all my government records in Qatar is in my maiden name. At one point, my bank held my account because my salary was sent using my married name while my account in my maiden name.
Right now, I still keep my old bank accounts and other legal documents in the Philippines in my maiden name – mabusisis kasi palitan.
ScroochChronicles said
Hi Nina!! Oo nga, to have your name changed on documents is so mabusisi. Tapos lalagyan lang ng tatak na “amended” yun na.